The Private Collection...

Each one of the following sweaters is one that I have in my own collection. Some I've made, some I've thrifted, some I've had since I was a child, and some, were passed down from mother to daughter in the time honored tradition of tackiness.

Tacky Sweater Bunko 2010

I feel like this is my magnum opus. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to top it really. The "Living Christmas Tree" literally made jaws drop when I walked in the door for Bunko. My friend Gina put it best, "Liz...LIZ!" It was a lot of fun to make and fairly simple at that. I think the tree skirt really sets off the whole look.

Tacky Sweater Ornament Exchange 2010

I picked this one up at the local thrift store for two bucks. Santa has no face. Well, actually, he has what I assume might be eyes up in the brim of his hat, but if you're looking for a nose or a mouth, you're out of luck. No big deal though, I mean, the kids don't mind that, right? See, just change a few words and you're all good!

♫ ♪ Faceless Claus is coming to town! ♪ ♫

Tacky Sweater Ornament Exchange 2009

I'm going to quote from my personal blog for this one, because really, it tells the whole story.

Here I am at Pine Hill [Tree Farm], in the store. It's wonderfully decorated...much like myself. Speaking of that, I actually made this sweater. It used to live a lonely and boring life at the thrift store, but I rescued it from its sad mediocrity...and let me tell you, ladies of a certain age LOVE. IT.

Legitimately.

I was asked several times if I purchased it at Macy's. Macy's! Holding back my laughter, which took, trust me, a Herculean effort, I explained that I actually made it myself. After much 'ooing' and 'ahhing,' I was told I should go sell them at, again, Macy's. Last time I checked, Macy's didn't buy its stock from some chick with a box of sweaters in the back of her Hyundai, but hey, if I want to sell them 'at' Macy's, that parking lot is fair game baby.

Tacky Sweater Ornament Exchange 2008

The skiing penguin... what more do I need to say?

Every Christmas as a child

Ah, the memories. This one is from my elementary school days...and yes, I can still wear it, as illustrated by this awkward self portrait. It's not a true sweater, but I think the tackiness comes through in spades. It's fond memories for sure. Now, since I have no shame, I'll let you know that during the holidays, I sleep in this from time to time, paired with candy cane striped flannel pants...

Treasures from Mom

...Speaking of striped pants, here they are. Never let it be said that I'm a girl who is afraid to post an unflattering picture of herself online. Mom used to wear this sweater during the Christmas season, and really, the only reason she doesn't now is because she lost some weight and it's too big, but I can still see the love for it in her eyes.

Anyway, that's my collection, or at least what I wasn't too lazy to look for. From year to year it always provides a laugh to pull them out of the box, and I've even loaned them out to friends and family for various events. You really can make one for yourself pretty easily though. A few creatively placed items go a long way.

Still, my best advice when it comes to picking a tacky Christmas sweater? Know how to accessorise.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

And the prettiest sight you'll see is the sweater that will be at your own thrift store!

 Like this one. I was perusing the isles the other day, seeing what goods the old thrift shop had to offer and I came across this gem. I think somebody got their needles crossed. I mean, I'm as proud to be an American as the next, uh, American, but really? I needed a tacky sweater for a party, but I couldn't bring myself to purchase this one. Now that I'm looking at it again, I kind of wish I had. It's not like there isn't precedence for it...

 moviegoods
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I mean, fourth of Ju...uh, Christmas, yeah, Happy Chri, er Merry Christmas!

Still, the only kind of person I can really see wearing it is this guy:

Marielynn flickr

Then there's this. I'm not sure, but I think maybe Santa got into someone's stash of 'special' milk and cookies. "The candy canes, they're like...whoa. It's like everything's moving in slow motion!" 

I did buy a couple of sweaters, but they're for another blog. In the meantime, let's see what the interwebs has to offer...

Herb of DC
Bonne chance outdoing this one from Grand Pari.  A little wine, the city of lights, this sweater, and before the end of the night, you'll be asking some attractive stranger Souhaitez-vous crochet avec moi ce soir?

micechat
On the picture it says "Tacky xmas sweater delight '08" however, the web address tells me it's actually "super-mega-monster-tacky-delight" which I think is more appropriate. So kawaii! Mickey,  I have to say I am a little disappointed in your offering. You can do better than that, just look at the crazy get ups these anime-girls-come-to-life have found! Pull it together. Are you a man or a mou...oh.
(I just realized, as a child, I owned and happily wore the exact same sweater as orange-hair girl. Wow.)

tackylighttour
It's like I can see the future movie of this guy's life being cast now. "And in the part of Robbie, the lonely, socially inept, yet naively charming intern, is Steve Carell."

themoviemind
I need to watch this...like, now.

How is it already the 8th of December!? It seems like only yesterday that I was writing about hideous turkey hats. 

It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!

That's right! It's Christmas time! That special time of year when tacky, awful, wonderful sweaters are seen in abundance throughout the land! However, as much as I'd like to jump into flamingo Santas  and dogs stripped of their dignity, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a quick shout out to my Jewish friends first. After all it's the second night of Hanukkah and that menorah is burning brightly...

Thank you eBay

really, really brightly...from the chest. Jewish folk, you may not have as many tacky holiday sweaters as we gentiles, but when you do one up, you make us all proud.

CustomSweaters.com
*Sigh.*
I can't bring myself to make fun of these. The lady that creates them does so via custom orders. Each one is handmade per customer specifications and, AND, she happily makes custom UGLY sweaters if that's what you request. How awesome is that? Well, let me tell you, it's pretty dang awesome.  Her favorite ugly sweater will most definitely be featured in a future post. If you want a custom piece, they don't come cheap, but they're 'heirloom quality,' and heirloom hilarious.

The Little Red Blog of Revolutionary Knitting

OK, so technically, it's not Hanukkah, and as far as the political stuff related to this sweater, I'm not touching it with a ten foot Festivus pole, but if you happen to swing left of center, want to show your continued support for the Pres, and like discussing politics while passing the latkes, well, this one's for you!

I know. It's not a sweater, but...

Bonobos
I couldn't sit back and in good conscience, not post these. "Pants of David." PANTS. OF. DAVID. Yes, that's the actual name...and I think they pair perfectly with...

CatsFive Flickr
...this. If that face doesn't say "Happy Hanukkah," I don't know what does! Probably the one on the menorah, though that face might just say something like "MARGLEGARGEHARG!!" while waving around its crazy flaming arms.

Bangitout.com

OK, I'll admit, I'm getting out of my element here. I'm no stranger to Deuteronomy, but I didn't realize how involved this particular practice might be. I certainly didn't know there was the possibility of special clothes. However, if you're looking for a gift that's most definitely kosher and a little...uh, I was going to say unorthodox, but in this instance, I think that's entirely the opposite of what's going on here...

Oy! I don't know, this is making me all meshuga. You can order it here at LevineJudica.com

Anyway, Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate this beautiful festival of lights. Shalom to you and yours.

Sweater Ornaments will keep your tree toasty!

So, Christmas is over and it's been a while since I've written. There's just been a lot going on, hosting family Chirstmas, hanging out with friends, various shenanigans. However, that doesn't mean the sweater fun has to end. I've still got a few posts in mind...and while you may think "How do you do a blog about sweaters all year long?" Surely there will still be a wealth of ugly knit wear to post about. Hilariously bad fashion knows no season...and I may branch out a bit on my "yarns of disaster." For tonight though, let's have a little interactive fun eh?

This Chirstmas Season, I decided that my tree was sorely lacking in sweater related decor. Well, my friend Mel did send me one (check out it's badicalness right uptop there!) Still, I think sweater ornaments are kind of like potato chips, you can't stop at just one. Today, we're going to learn how to do our own "semi-homemade" Christmas tree ornament.

First of all, let's start with some pre-knitted materials. I found these lovely...er..."things" at the thrift store and thought they'd make an excellent starting point. However, an actual Christmas sweater would also prove a great starter source...if you could stand to destroy a work of art that is.

Next, I cut two of the knitted...things...in half to form the sleeves. If you're using a regular sweater or knitted material, just cut a piece of material about 4 inches long and about 2 1/2 inches wide, or just cut out 2 classic sweater shapes and stitch them together.

I cut my material in half since it was double the length I needed. See where I'm going with this?


I then stitched together the undersides of the material to form a tube...so now, I have...you guessed it, sleeves! Oh joy!

Now those weird looking tubes with the white collars make the perfect sweater body. Just stitch the sleeves onto the side.



Next is the fun part, adding your own personal "pizzaz" to your sweater! I chose to cut a Christmas tree out of felt, but let your own style be your guide. I'm probably going to add some other guady elements to it eventually, but you know...you get busy, you get behind on your sweatercraft. *sigh!* Anyway, be creative! I mean, you've seen the stuff I've posted here, you really can't go wrong. Christmas tree...awesome, reindeer head...great, freakface alien santa and child...go for it!
Happy New Year!

Deck the Pets with Christmas Sweaters! Fa la la la la...

"We are not amused Mr. Puddin' Cakes."

Image from internet-pets.blogspot.com

Animals in clothes...*sigh.* Honestly, I'm not a fan. Sure, it can lead to some hilarious pictures, but boy, do I feel sorry for those little guys. I just imagine they feel a little bit of shame themselves. I mean, that's why God gave them those lovely fur coats, so they'd never have to be subjected to Grandma Mavis's idea of "adorable." However, it seems as if the urge to share the joy of the Christmas sweater has spread to our pets. "Awwww, isn't muffin just the cutest thing!?"


Image from internet-pets.blogspot.com

"Mr. Jingles, just smile! This is going on the family Christmas card!" "No Mr. Puddin' Cakes, I can't...I just can't. I mean...my dignity...to have it be stripped away from me in such a fashion. I thought the last straw was that whole incident at the Vet involving that thermometer thing, but this...this...I simply can't abide! I'm going to piddle in every shoe in the house come Christmas morning!"


Image from Snapshot. Parade.com

*Spritzerdoodle thinks to himself*

"My great-great grandfather was an Arctic wolf...master of all he surveyed, king of the tundra, taking whatever prey he willed. Me, I get a reindeer hat..."


Image from spoilyourpetsonline.com

Wow, it even comes with a beard! Now, it's not really a sweater, but pooch in a Santa suit qualifies for sure! I guess he and Spritzerdoodle team up Christmas Eve to deliver doggy treats to all the pooches who have been subjected to the wrath of the sweater.

Hmmm...it seems to be pug owners who have a bit of a fetish for festive pooches.However, dogs don't get all the fun, oh no, you give us four legs, we'll give you holiday hilarity!

Oh kitty...
Image from snapshot. parade.com

*Whiskers McWhiskerson* : " Because of this...if you die and no one finds you...I am soooo going to eat you."


Image by Andrew D. Miller

This is "Edna" and as you can see for yourself, she's simply given up.


Image from google

Ok...hmmm...this might be the exception to the rule. It's one of those hairless Sphinx cats that looks like an angry old man. Maybe he gets cold in the winter and the sweater is actually purposeful...yet...I'm guessing it's really not the main reason why we've got him trussed up like a holiday turkey.


Also, for a real treat, check out this article from last year's Seattle Times...talk about a treasure trove. That gem below is just a small sample of the wonders that await you...


Image from The Seattle Times.com (Notice his sweater even keeps with today's theme!)

Christmas sweaters

"Best overall | A cat, a mouse and cat/skunk adorn Jason Yormark's undersized knit vest. But it's his "40-Year-Old Virgin" pose that won over the judges. Yormark, 33, and co-workers from Microsoft's online services group "thought it would be funny to get some bad Christmas sweaters and get our picture taken." So they found the worst of the worst at a Redmond thrift stores then headed to a Sears Portrait Studio to work it for the camera. "It was strangely natural for us," Yormark says..."

Christmas Sweaters, Seattle Style

Photo gallery | Bad Christmas sweaters

Season's Greetings!

Edible Sweater Goodness

Image from the cookie cutter shop. com


You know the old saying "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" well, that seems to be the mantra of the Christmas sweater...for years, it was "there is no way I would be caught dead in that thing" until it was realized what a terrific theme it would make...and viola! love.

However, let's try on a new mantra and see if it fits as good as that nifty Frosty and Santa knitwear..."if you can't beat 'em, eat 'em!" That's right! Sweater edibles!!! Now you can decorate your body from the inside out!

Image by Custom Creative Cakes by Barrie and Susannah.

The presentation, the delicate frosting work, the absolute authenticity! I don't think I've ever seen a lovelier garment based baked good! Really, that decorative frosting is amazing. The detail achieved is awesome. I love how the chocolate frosting even has a weave pattern! No detail was left unattended, notice the tag in the collar...someone's setting the gold standard...and I think it's Barrie and Susannah.


Image by Mary on Picasa Web Albums.

Mary is a genius. I love the fact that she's made my favorite wearable decoration into a delicious holiday treat! I can see the sweater knitters right now gleaning ideas from her edible artworks! Soon you'll be able to buy "yellow rain hat snowman" or "festively oversized tree" in actual sweater form I'm sure! Still there is one cookie on that tray that my mind didn't immediately accept. I kept saying..."what in the heck is she getting at here?" I then realized I am an idiot...and this quickly became my favorite cookie.


"Anti 'L'?" "Say no to 'L'?" *scratches head, reads original caption, loathes self* "No 'L'..." "NOEL!!!"
Brilliant.


Image by Joe Pastry

This is quite an offering! You've got trees, snowmen, candy canes, a little chef guy, and more...but I'm here to talk about that guy in the middle. That's no ordinary gingerbread man, according to Joe, that's the big guy himself! S.Claus in cookie form...and what's he doing out of uniform? He's kicking back in a cozy, comfy, Christmas sweater. Just look at his face, his eyes practically scream relaxation. I bet Mrs. Claus monogrammed that up just for him!


Image from random internet source that I forgot.

Now, this isn't technically something you can eat, but since you can't put a sweater on a liquid...well, I guess you could, but then you'd have a sopping wet...gross...sweater. Anyway, check this out, you can still make your holiday mug of hot chocolate a bit more festive or turn that wassail into something even Scrooge couldn't resist (especially for the low, low price of $9.95!). How you ask? Simple, with the Christmas sweater koozie! Stick an enchanted Christmas tree applique on that sucker for a real holiday treat!

Joyeux Noël

(I'm totally making those sweater cookies.)

Ain't No Party Like a Christmas Sweater Party...

Image from photobucket

...'Cause a Christmas Sweater Party don't stop! You know, I think it's always wonderful to see a complete social pariah elevated to the level of much beloved ironic symbol. That's kind of what's happened with Christmas sweaters. As much as everyone seems to loathe them, as soon as you see one of those truly magnificent offenses of knitwear, you can't help but smile. It might be because the wearer is completely oblivious to their crimes of fashion as they go walking along in their light up, hand embellished, appliqued wonder. It might be because they're actually perfectly aware of what they're doing. Either way, it makes your heart sing a little...admit it. We love these horrible creations so much that we actually celebrate them in a little ritual known as a "Bad Christmas Sweater Party!"

Oh, Santa baby, slip an invite under the tree for me! I've been an awful...er..."good" girl...

Image from Photobucket

I'll say it's the next level! That's a real gem he's found there. The embroidered snow flakes, the candy cane striped piping and cheerful green color, that's masculine to the core and we all know nothing says Christmas like the disembodied heads of multiple Santa Clauses encircling your waist!

Image from google

Well done gentlemen, well done. The festive headgear really adds to the whole mystique of the sweaters. I must say though, that teddy bear on the blue Santa sweater appears pretty unhappy about the whole deal. Over all though...great jooo...wait a minute...HEY! Hey there, guy in the back...try to class it up next year OK? That may be an excited face, but I know a t-shirt with a long sleeve tee under it when I see one! This is a CHRISTMAS SWEATER party! Everyone else, I'm sure your Great Aunt Martha will be pleased to see you finally wore that sweater she knitted for you back in '89.


Image from photobucket

I like how the "@" symbol looks like it's punching the star. I hope the sweaters themselves were as well put together as the invitation! I'm sure it was a Christmas...to remember.

Why, Jenny and I even participated in a Christmas sweater party this year. May I present, the classic "Look Away" shot a la Olan Mills style. I'd call it a huge success.

Image by Lyndly Kaetz, photoshop trickery by me.

Merry Christmas!