All Hands On Deck!

Hello all! I'm back from my Deadliest Catch Seattle adventure! (Soon to be a Shenanigan Files post!)  Now, on my trip, I spent a lot of time around all things nautical, and since I spent so much time around boats, on boats, talking about boats, and to people who work on boats, I thought I'd do a little maritime themed sweater postin'.

 Ebay (GLORIOUS EBAY!)

Price: $104.99

Berek. Why did I not know about Berek? It's like the ugly sweater Mecca! It touts itself as "art you can wear," and far be it from me to say it's not, but wowzers. Sure, sweaters like these took ages of time to design and create, but the hilarity is pretty much there from the start. I mean, take a look at this nautical treasure land... that gold brocade, the orange sails against that puffy cloud, it just screams "hardcore sailor." I think I'll send some of these up to some of my manly fishing buddies. I know they'd appreciate them for both their beauty and functionality. Besides, at 104.99, they're practically giving them away!

(EVEN MORE!) Ebay

Price: $.99
 The auction starts at 99 cents? 99 CENTS? That's incredible! That lace collar alone is worth at least that. Cruise in style like the best of Grandmas with this lovely design. Still, there's something... unsettling about this scene. The colors are bright and cheerful, the big red bow, pretty jazzy, and yet, it seems as if the picture is empty, devoid of life. That floating anchor on the front and the lonely hat on the back, perched ever so precariously on the ship's wheel makes it seem as if the ship has been abandoned in a froth sea of turbulent waves. The crew is gone, the Captain as well, and the passengers, nowhere to be found. Perhaps, they've taken off in a lifeboat, been abducted by the pirates surely sailing on the boat in the first sweater, or made it to land only to disappear there. There isn't a sign of what happened to them, only a mysterious message scribbled on the tag in the collar that says "CROTOAN ... dry clean only."

Ebay (INCREDIBLE!)

Price: $69.99
I love it when I go on a cruise and all of a sudden, Tetris happens! (Infinity Tetris!)

 Adventures of The Black Gang

Avast ye scurvy dog! Be ye Matthew McConaughey? ...Ye be? Aye! Tell me now, one pirate to another, what port did ye be picking up such a fine example of the nautical arts as the anchor riddled sweater ye be wearin'? Some distant Orient market? A secret cove? The pirate's council? Target? You'd be welcome to sail on me ship anytime. A fine ship she be, The Black Purl! There be just a few procedures to take care of... first, a check for illegal substances. No worries, rum's fine lad, fine. Have ye a urine samp... By the four winds! Sailor, what foul witch's brew be that?! Me thinks yer not to be passin' yer drug test!

 Ebay

Grab your gold lamé sailor! Somebody's gonna be FAAAABULOUS!

Etsy

...but not her. No, not her. She seems more like a disgruntled 1940's housewife, angry that her lout of a husband for spending all his days down at The Drunken Sailor, that horrible pub where he took her on their first date. She should have known then how things would turn out if she stayed with him, but nooooo, she could change him...

Geocaching Knitter

 Knitting Before Knitting Was Cool

It's rare we get the design and a modeling shot!

Norsemen... that's pretty synonymous with boats and tall blond people...both of which are present in this picture! You may not have been graced with the flowing blond hair, statuesque height, or ability to stomach lutefisk, but the sweater... that's a different story. This powerful Nordic design can be your very own! The link I posted includes the pattern! So grab your war hammer, put on your horned helmet, and knit your own fierce Viking standoff! (Cue Zeppelin's Immigrant Song)

All ashore that's going ashore!

It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!

That's right! It's Christmas time! That special time of year when tacky, awful, wonderful sweaters are seen in abundance throughout the land! However, as much as I'd like to jump into flamingo Santas  and dogs stripped of their dignity, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a quick shout out to my Jewish friends first. After all it's the second night of Hanukkah and that menorah is burning brightly...

Thank you eBay

really, really brightly...from the chest. Jewish folk, you may not have as many tacky holiday sweaters as we gentiles, but when you do one up, you make us all proud.

CustomSweaters.com
*Sigh.*
I can't bring myself to make fun of these. The lady that creates them does so via custom orders. Each one is handmade per customer specifications and, AND, she happily makes custom UGLY sweaters if that's what you request. How awesome is that? Well, let me tell you, it's pretty dang awesome.  Her favorite ugly sweater will most definitely be featured in a future post. If you want a custom piece, they don't come cheap, but they're 'heirloom quality,' and heirloom hilarious.

The Little Red Blog of Revolutionary Knitting

OK, so technically, it's not Hanukkah, and as far as the political stuff related to this sweater, I'm not touching it with a ten foot Festivus pole, but if you happen to swing left of center, want to show your continued support for the Pres, and like discussing politics while passing the latkes, well, this one's for you!

I know. It's not a sweater, but...

Bonobos
I couldn't sit back and in good conscience, not post these. "Pants of David." PANTS. OF. DAVID. Yes, that's the actual name...and I think they pair perfectly with...

CatsFive Flickr
...this. If that face doesn't say "Happy Hanukkah," I don't know what does! Probably the one on the menorah, though that face might just say something like "MARGLEGARGEHARG!!" while waving around its crazy flaming arms.

Bangitout.com

OK, I'll admit, I'm getting out of my element here. I'm no stranger to Deuteronomy, but I didn't realize how involved this particular practice might be. I certainly didn't know there was the possibility of special clothes. However, if you're looking for a gift that's most definitely kosher and a little...uh, I was going to say unorthodox, but in this instance, I think that's entirely the opposite of what's going on here...

Oy! I don't know, this is making me all meshuga. You can order it here at LevineJudica.com

Anyway, Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate this beautiful festival of lights. Shalom to you and yours.

The High Cost of Fashion...

Oh, Etsy...

Now, from what I can gather by reading the description of this, it's a custom piece, and you can have one made specifically for your um, needs. Now, I'm certainly not impugning the skill it took to create...this, but the cost for this particular piece is $650.

Six hundred and fifty dollars.

 Six hundred? Fine, who would pass up that deal, but six fifty? Sir, you go too far! Oh well, if you have some insatiable need to have the Energizer bunny traveling through Mario world along with a disgruntled Gummi Bear and a pink...thing emblazoned on your chest, then I suppose no price is too high.


The Fader

"Well, it won't keep you warm, and the neck hole will actually allow your whole body to slip through it, causing embarrassing, if highly comical moments, but I promise you, it's the height of fashion."
I have no idea what either of these cost, but I will assume "too much."

 Fashion is Stupid
That pretty much covers my thoughts, and by the looks of his face, his too.

style blog via neomoda.com
You'll notice in that first photo that I've added a...uh, a "crotchular addition." You see, that particular pair of pants comes in 'anatomically correct,' and while that's all well and good, I don' t want to bother with any kind of mature ratings on the blog. Now, I suppose those pants would be alright if you were say, a Ken doll, but I don't think most guys want to go walking around with a fake set of dangly bits bopping around in front of them. What's the price for one of these gems? Your dignity.

Oh, and yeah, apparently all of that is manly high fashion. I know the one on the top right just makes my heart go all a twitter.

Anyway, if you must, click the link for the full Monty.

The Fashion Police
I like to call this one "December on Bourbon Street."  I suppose if it's a little too nipply, er, nippy outside you could still give the illusion of showing off the goods. You know, I'm thinking a specific pair of pants paired with this sweater could make for a really confusing outfit. Manoush says it can be yours for only £130. As far as the design? I will never believe this wasn't intentional. My only question is why they chose 'pancake on a nail' for placement?

...and that's all I got.

sylebakery
...except for this...which, I actually, really, really like.

What To Wear To Deathly Hallows...

DEATHLY HALLOWS OPENS AT MIDNIGHT!

I can't help myself. I love Harry Potter and all Potterphernalia. Most of these are fan made items, and that rocks my Ravenclaw socks off...well, it would if they were mine...just keep scrolling! 

 I want it.

I want it.

Sweaters By Brooke

I want it.


 I want them.

Wizarding World Gifts
I want them.

techmom
I want it...and yes, would wear it.

Becky and Daniel
I want it...with an E. (Though Liz could work with L!)

knit.Ir2
I want it.

 the leaky cauldron
I want them.

roshipotoshi
I want him...to live! :(
Oh Snape, I always trusted you!

I want them all! I don't think I'm going to be able to make it to the midnight premiere, which saddens me, but, a friend and I plan to go Friday night! I am so ready to see this movie. I don't have a Harry Potter sweater to wear, but having been to Hogwarts, I have a few shirts to choose from...(fyi, HP world is in Orlando is aaaaamazing!)

Hedwig And The Angry Itch...

What? Wool sweaters are totally itchy. Sorry, I just couldn't resist the title. However, I digress because the subject of this post isn't a jilted, post-op, German singer, it's

HARRY POTTER!
Well, more specifically, Hedwig the owl. In honor of Hedwig and this week's release of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, I'm bringing you some awesome sweaters of which our feathered friend would highly approve!

Needled

I LOVE this collar of owls, especially their little button eyes. It's like having an entire owlry from shoulder to shoulder but without the poop! It's things like this that make me wish I could knit, or that I had a generous friend who could.  Kate Davies, the creator of this sweater is a skilled artist in the realm of knitwear design and a historical writer and academic specialising in nineteenth-century literature, textile history, and material culture. The pattern for this piece is available, along with others.

 Etsy
You can really "feel the Hedwig" in this snowy piece.

Style Bytes
Back in 2005, H&M got in on the sweet trend with this shoulder sweeping owl.  I'm actually wearing a sweater just like this today, (minus hood) but mine is sans magical, in-your-face owl...so inherently, it's not as cool.

Venus Zine

Live Journal
I can totally see a Weasley in this, but it works just as well on a Muggle. I'm not sure if Brown and Sound is still producing this or anything for that matter, but you never know what might turn up on ebay, in a thrift shop, or the room of requirements. Still, if you still can't get your hands on one, the shop for Flight of the Conchords offers a pretty decent substitute.

followsales
Kate Spade's Beacon Hill Owl Graphic Sweater. It's an angry looking little thing. I love the colors though!

Live Journal
Even Gleeks love owls! A sweater this cool will keep you from a bad reputation. (seewhatididthere?)

This is cute. This is hurt your teeth sweetness on a sweater. I think it looks like Ron Weasley's little owl Pig, kind of innocently neurotic. The best thing about it though...

Both at Gap
...you can buy it in a onesie for a behbehchild!

Knut on Flickr
Ok, I'm usually not a big fan of animals in clothing. It just seems...unnatural and undignified, but...this is adorable! Plus, it was just meant to be. The dog's name is Knut...a kind of currency in Harry Potter! Kismet? I think so.  As I scroll down the flickr comments, I see that Knut actually hates his sweater (which proves my point about animal clothes) but it's just too cute. I'm sorry Knut, but you should be a breed that doesn't look so adorable in tiny clothes.

Dollar Store Crafts
Of course, you can always make your own owl wear. If you can't knit, no problem, just use the skill of someone else! This beanie and scarf was crafted from a dollar store sweater vest. A bit of felt, some minor cutting and stitching, and you're good to go!

Well, there are scads of other fantastic owl themed pieces on the interwebs, but it's lunchtime for me and I'm just tired of typing so here's a picture of Harry and Hedwig.

 Laura Erickson
Also, I'm hoping, come Friday at Midnight, I'll be sitting in my local imax waiting for the start of Deathly Hallows part 1! I don't have any Felix Felicis, so wish me luck in getting a ticket! Oh, I hope it's good!