A Festivus For The Rest of Us!

Now, Christmas is the headliner in the sweater parade come December...but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for everyone to march! Today, I proudly bring you a veritable festivus of sweaters! First of all, let's wish a Happy Hanukkah to those that light the menorah with these gems that will shine brightly not only for 8 crazy nights, but all year long!

Image from HSN

Mom...she's always the hardest to shop for. I mean, just how many times can you pick up some perfume or another lovely crystal vase? You know she's got to be getting tired of the same ol' same ol' too. A woman only needs so many silver candlesticks or spa gift certificates after all. Well, shop no further! Here's an absolute beauty, one might say the perfect gift! With this by the Menorah, you won't even have to worry about those other 7 nights, this one gem of a sweater is 8 nights worth of A+ number one! Mom will look stunning as the light from the shamash shines on those glittery threads and you know those delicious latkes will taste all the sweeter now.

Image by Poixeleni

Here's guy proudly holding aloft his sweater. I suppose finding an old Hanukkah sweater at the thrift store isn't as easy as finding one for Christmas...what is man to do? Well, according to the original caption, this one is a DYI crafter's creation! Not only has he done a rather good job crafting that menorah, but look at that ingenuity using the Star of David as the shamash candle's flame! (Part of me hopes you've got a pair of festive Hanukkah boardshorts for when you break out that sweet ride in the background.) Mazal Tov dude!

Image from etsy.com

Speaking of the Star of David, why not just cut to the chase? Wear it loud, wear it proud!

Image from etsy.com

...or, show off your fun loving side with this dreidle inspired number! Be careful or you may end up spinning in a pile of gelt!

Image from bp2 blogger

Even Fido isn't left out! I'm nearly kvell! Would you look at that little guy! I'm glad to know it's not just the gentile pets that get the...er...privilage of being forced to wear "stylish" seasonal clothing!

Image from Joseph_picasa web albums

"Say Jim, what are you doing for Kwanzaa this year?" "Er, actually Bob, I hadn't planned on observing it at all..." "Well, why not Bob, are you one of those types who goes around knocking down Christmas trees and blowing out the candles on the menorah?" "Well...no Bob, it's just that like you...I'm 60...and white."

Kwanzaa...I found one sweater participant...and that was him. Nice additions there with the chain and hat. Although, I was really hoping to find some excellent Cosbyesque gear for Kwanzaa, but alas...it was not to be.

Image by Corey-Wood"

Rob, I sure wish there was a holiday for guys like us...you know, folks who probably celebrate some other holiday, but would really like another reason to hang out and party." "Well, Sid, my Uncle Bob was telling me about some other holiday just the other day..."

*suddenly a voice calls out in the wilderness*

"...Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."

"What happened to the doll?"

"It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"

Image from loftcinema_flicker

Those sweaters...they're...a Festivus Miracle! From the winter wonderland on the left to the multi-colored argyle on the right, it's absolutely beautiful. I'd love to see you guys standing around the Festivus pole, airing your grievances and reminiscing about past feats of strength...(Serious update! Carrie, has pointed out to me that I have failed to mention the majestic mullet on the owner of sweater number one! I was so distracted by Mr. Argyle that I didn't even notice that hair! Dude, you're making Billy Ray proud.)

Until later...Festivus YES! Bagel NO!

Deck the Pets with Christmas Sweaters! Fa la la la la...

"We are not amused Mr. Puddin' Cakes."

Image from internet-pets.blogspot.com

Animals in clothes...*sigh.* Honestly, I'm not a fan. Sure, it can lead to some hilarious pictures, but boy, do I feel sorry for those little guys. I just imagine they feel a little bit of shame themselves. I mean, that's why God gave them those lovely fur coats, so they'd never have to be subjected to Grandma Mavis's idea of "adorable." However, it seems as if the urge to share the joy of the Christmas sweater has spread to our pets. "Awwww, isn't muffin just the cutest thing!?"


Image from internet-pets.blogspot.com

"Mr. Jingles, just smile! This is going on the family Christmas card!" "No Mr. Puddin' Cakes, I can't...I just can't. I mean...my dignity...to have it be stripped away from me in such a fashion. I thought the last straw was that whole incident at the Vet involving that thermometer thing, but this...this...I simply can't abide! I'm going to piddle in every shoe in the house come Christmas morning!"


Image from Snapshot. Parade.com

*Spritzerdoodle thinks to himself*

"My great-great grandfather was an Arctic wolf...master of all he surveyed, king of the tundra, taking whatever prey he willed. Me, I get a reindeer hat..."


Image from spoilyourpetsonline.com

Wow, it even comes with a beard! Now, it's not really a sweater, but pooch in a Santa suit qualifies for sure! I guess he and Spritzerdoodle team up Christmas Eve to deliver doggy treats to all the pooches who have been subjected to the wrath of the sweater.

Hmmm...it seems to be pug owners who have a bit of a fetish for festive pooches.However, dogs don't get all the fun, oh no, you give us four legs, we'll give you holiday hilarity!

Oh kitty...
Image from snapshot. parade.com

*Whiskers McWhiskerson* : " Because of this...if you die and no one finds you...I am soooo going to eat you."


Image by Andrew D. Miller

This is "Edna" and as you can see for yourself, she's simply given up.


Image from google

Ok...hmmm...this might be the exception to the rule. It's one of those hairless Sphinx cats that looks like an angry old man. Maybe he gets cold in the winter and the sweater is actually purposeful...yet...I'm guessing it's really not the main reason why we've got him trussed up like a holiday turkey.


Also, for a real treat, check out this article from last year's Seattle Times...talk about a treasure trove. That gem below is just a small sample of the wonders that await you...


Image from The Seattle Times.com (Notice his sweater even keeps with today's theme!)

Christmas sweaters

"Best overall | A cat, a mouse and cat/skunk adorn Jason Yormark's undersized knit vest. But it's his "40-Year-Old Virgin" pose that won over the judges. Yormark, 33, and co-workers from Microsoft's online services group "thought it would be funny to get some bad Christmas sweaters and get our picture taken." So they found the worst of the worst at a Redmond thrift stores then headed to a Sears Portrait Studio to work it for the camera. "It was strangely natural for us," Yormark says..."

Christmas Sweaters, Seattle Style

Photo gallery | Bad Christmas sweaters

Season's Greetings!

Edible Sweater Goodness

Image from the cookie cutter shop. com


You know the old saying "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" well, that seems to be the mantra of the Christmas sweater...for years, it was "there is no way I would be caught dead in that thing" until it was realized what a terrific theme it would make...and viola! love.

However, let's try on a new mantra and see if it fits as good as that nifty Frosty and Santa knitwear..."if you can't beat 'em, eat 'em!" That's right! Sweater edibles!!! Now you can decorate your body from the inside out!

Image by Custom Creative Cakes by Barrie and Susannah.

The presentation, the delicate frosting work, the absolute authenticity! I don't think I've ever seen a lovelier garment based baked good! Really, that decorative frosting is amazing. The detail achieved is awesome. I love how the chocolate frosting even has a weave pattern! No detail was left unattended, notice the tag in the collar...someone's setting the gold standard...and I think it's Barrie and Susannah.


Image by Mary on Picasa Web Albums.

Mary is a genius. I love the fact that she's made my favorite wearable decoration into a delicious holiday treat! I can see the sweater knitters right now gleaning ideas from her edible artworks! Soon you'll be able to buy "yellow rain hat snowman" or "festively oversized tree" in actual sweater form I'm sure! Still there is one cookie on that tray that my mind didn't immediately accept. I kept saying..."what in the heck is she getting at here?" I then realized I am an idiot...and this quickly became my favorite cookie.


"Anti 'L'?" "Say no to 'L'?" *scratches head, reads original caption, loathes self* "No 'L'..." "NOEL!!!"
Brilliant.


Image by Joe Pastry

This is quite an offering! You've got trees, snowmen, candy canes, a little chef guy, and more...but I'm here to talk about that guy in the middle. That's no ordinary gingerbread man, according to Joe, that's the big guy himself! S.Claus in cookie form...and what's he doing out of uniform? He's kicking back in a cozy, comfy, Christmas sweater. Just look at his face, his eyes practically scream relaxation. I bet Mrs. Claus monogrammed that up just for him!


Image from random internet source that I forgot.

Now, this isn't technically something you can eat, but since you can't put a sweater on a liquid...well, I guess you could, but then you'd have a sopping wet...gross...sweater. Anyway, check this out, you can still make your holiday mug of hot chocolate a bit more festive or turn that wassail into something even Scrooge couldn't resist (especially for the low, low price of $9.95!). How you ask? Simple, with the Christmas sweater koozie! Stick an enchanted Christmas tree applique on that sucker for a real holiday treat!

Joyeux Noël

(I'm totally making those sweater cookies.)

Tinsel Town

"No child can beat the Grinch!"

Image from screencapheaven.com

Hollywood knows a good thing when it sees it and Christmas Sweaters are no exception. One of my favorite Christmas movies "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" based off of Dr. Seuss's book actually showcases what may be my favorite C.S (look at me abbreviating things like a pro!) of all time. It really encompasses the whole gamut of desired elements. The oversized tree, the shiny appliqued heart and "XMAS" writing...not to mention the belt of "ho ho ho!" that encircles his waist. The candy cane sleeves are a beautiful thing and the jingle bells add just the right amount of unavoidable holiday noise. However, the thing that really takes this Hollywood star to "A list" status is...well, "you could even say it glows." That's right! It lights up! How festive can you get?!?! If Cindy Loo really wants to know "where are you Christmas?" Look no further kiddo! Even the Grinch can't deny the jolliness it brings...I think maybe that's the real reason his heart grew three sizes that day. Pair it with festive lederhosen and a devil may care attitude and you've got one block buster of an outfit.


"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

OK, now, technically, this isn't a "Christmas Sweater" but, I think you'll all agree with me, that it more than belongs here. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation created one of the most begrudgingly beloved characters to ever grace the silver screen when some genius penned up "Cousin Eddie." Yep, I'm serious Clark. Leave it Jenny to wax nostalgic...“Ah, the classic Cousin Eddie! Nothing says ‘annoying family member’ like a skin-tight white sweater with a green dickie underneath. Cousin Eddie takes bad fashion to a new level. You know, this little number has become a legacy, but let’s not overlook Chevy Chase ’s monstrosity. That was a really, really, really bad style, and the person who designed it should have been shot.” Still, that dickie, spectacular.
"Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark."


As a matter of fact, it seems like that outfit that screams "You about ready to do some kissing?" is becoming a Christmas tradition all on its own.


Image from photobucket

Good lands Mr! You've nailed it right down to those white, square toed shoes! If only that mug (hopefully filled with eggnog) was one of those finely crafted moose heads!


Image by Kathleen Rockwell

Not bad, not bad, not as accurate as #1, but a good solid effort and A+ on the see-through sweater there champ!


Image by Glamorous Jo -Flickr

Another excellent attempt at the "Cousin Eddie" I think what sells it for me is that smug sense of satisfaction we see etched in that smile.


Image by Jackson1979 -Flickr

Hmm...you know when you go to the costume store and you're looking for say...a Santa Suit but all they have left is the one in electric orange? I think that's kind of what happened here. (I'd be disgruntled too dude!) See through white sweater? Check. Horrible white shoes? Check. Dickie? Check. Poorly fitting pants? Check. Correct color combo? A swing and a miss. However, I like the way he's trying to make up for the improper color scheme by hooking a few beers to his belt...classy move, and one Cousin Eddie would surely have endorsed. Still, I see no signs of Christmas...or a party...or anything that seems...out...of...the...ordinary. Maybe it's just an unusual lifestyle choice? Eh, to each his own.

Well, Mele Kalikimaka to all!

Ain't No Party Like a Christmas Sweater Party...

Image from photobucket

...'Cause a Christmas Sweater Party don't stop! You know, I think it's always wonderful to see a complete social pariah elevated to the level of much beloved ironic symbol. That's kind of what's happened with Christmas sweaters. As much as everyone seems to loathe them, as soon as you see one of those truly magnificent offenses of knitwear, you can't help but smile. It might be because the wearer is completely oblivious to their crimes of fashion as they go walking along in their light up, hand embellished, appliqued wonder. It might be because they're actually perfectly aware of what they're doing. Either way, it makes your heart sing a little...admit it. We love these horrible creations so much that we actually celebrate them in a little ritual known as a "Bad Christmas Sweater Party!"

Oh, Santa baby, slip an invite under the tree for me! I've been an awful...er..."good" girl...

Image from Photobucket

I'll say it's the next level! That's a real gem he's found there. The embroidered snow flakes, the candy cane striped piping and cheerful green color, that's masculine to the core and we all know nothing says Christmas like the disembodied heads of multiple Santa Clauses encircling your waist!

Image from google

Well done gentlemen, well done. The festive headgear really adds to the whole mystique of the sweaters. I must say though, that teddy bear on the blue Santa sweater appears pretty unhappy about the whole deal. Over all though...great jooo...wait a minute...HEY! Hey there, guy in the back...try to class it up next year OK? That may be an excited face, but I know a t-shirt with a long sleeve tee under it when I see one! This is a CHRISTMAS SWEATER party! Everyone else, I'm sure your Great Aunt Martha will be pleased to see you finally wore that sweater she knitted for you back in '89.


Image from photobucket

I like how the "@" symbol looks like it's punching the star. I hope the sweaters themselves were as well put together as the invitation! I'm sure it was a Christmas...to remember.

Why, Jenny and I even participated in a Christmas sweater party this year. May I present, the classic "Look Away" shot a la Olan Mills style. I'd call it a huge success.

Image by Lyndly Kaetz, photoshop trickery by me.

Merry Christmas!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

...everywhere you go, you see the signs of the season. The spirit of glad tidings fills the air and the longing of the warmth of hearth and home awakens every heart. In some way, we desire to show our fellow man our wishes for peace on earth and good will to all..but...how?

I believe I've found the answer.

It's in the bedazzled beauty of the Christmas Sweater. An ordinary tacky sweater is a great conversation piece, fun at a party, but there's something special about those gaudy, gem encrusted Christmas sweaters...I think there's a little bit of magic in those threads.


Image courtesy of photobucket. (Classic Christmas Sweater)

Here's one I find truly full of Christmas wonder. See Santa on the right sleeve? Now I'm sure knitting a human face into a sweater is a difficult thing, however, I can't help but feel that Santa might not be looking to bring me Christmas cheer as much as he's looking to mutilate my cattle and introduce me to the probe-o-tron 5000. On the left sleeve we see where he has already abducted two hapless figures..one apparently a member of the 80's band "Devo," and trapped them in some cruel Christmas Rubik's cube. You can tell the figure of the...er...little...girl? in the middle of the sweater is terrified that Close Encounters Santa might slide down her chimney next. Also, what kind of house does she live in anyway? Where are her parents? Already "taken"? What is that trench in the floor under the Christmas tree? (Those are some strong branches!) Or maybe I've got it all wrong...maybe it's some kind of festive spaceship launchpad and not a house at all...she does bear a bit of a resemblance to Jolly Old St. Nicholas over there. Oh well, if not, at least the polka-dot wallpaper is attractive. Remember kids, you'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout, I'm telling you why the invasion is coming! It's the end of the world as we know it! "Santa Claus" is coming to town...

Image by Amanda Frederick. (Classy Cardigan Christmas Sweater)

Nothing says Noel quite like flamingos, that blue, polyester knit with buttons up to the neck...flattering, the special jazzy pizazz of sequins AND feathers, pure class. I'm glad they went with basic black for the feathered collar...a bright pink to match the flamingos would have just been too much...and we all know, Christmas sweaters are about subtlety. I think the attitude this conveys was best said by Jenny: "So, are you trying to make sure men COMPLETELY avoid you at the Christmas shindig, or are you just going to another Christmas mixer at Granny's retirement community?" Of course Carrie, ever the font of witty observation noted, "I also like the imaginary 'hand on hip' pose the sweater is in, like 'how dare you criticize my sparkles'!" How dare I indeed.


Image from photobucket. (Classic Christmas Sweater)

Those...those eyes, those cold, dead eyes! Maybe he looks so lifeless and despondent because he's been speared through the muzzle by that gigantic candy cane, or maybe it's because his owners make him wear that Santa hat. Either way, that pup's got a bone to pick (see what I did there? heheheh) with whoever put him on this monstrosity. Anyway, I like how the sides of the sweater flair out to accommodate all that new holiday poundage...but at least the horizontal stripes on the sleeves will make you look...so good.


Image from photobucket. (Classy Cardigan Christmas Sweater)

Immaculate! Sparkles? check, pompoms? check, glittery yarn? check, awkward knit rendering of Santa? check! Not only that...and I can hardly contain my excitement with this...there are actually CHRISTMAS SWEATERS ON A CHRISTMAS SWEATER! It's like someone finally got the memo! What more could a Christmas sweater ever ask for than for another Christmas sweater to be stitched right on it!? Even Santa can't resist getting in on the action! He's ditched that tired red suit for a sparkly new pastel number that says "Merry Christmas girlfriend! I am fierce and fabulous!"

Until later, Feliz Navidad!